30 Things I've Learned By 30

*cue Bo Burnham's "30"*

My sister and I were supposed to be born around Valentine’s Day 1994, but we decided to speed that up by nine or so weeks. Our mom was already in the hospital with preeclampsia, the best place to be when you suddenly go into labour. Our mom was actually supposed to be discharged the day she went into labour. She and my dad were supposed to be visiting her parents for an early Christmas, but I guess my sister and I thought being born would be more interesting.

Even then it took long. I don’t know when my mom went into labour and I can’t ask her about it now. My dad doesn’t remember all of the details, but my mom must have been discharged (or meant to be discharged) in the late morning or early afternoon. Regardless, my sister and I didn’t arrive until the night. It had gotten so late that my parents started to wonder if my sister and I would have different birthdays, but at 11:01pm, sixteen minutes after my sister, I came into the world breeched with medical tongs to assist my entrance into the world.

Chillin like a villain.

I never really know how to write about my birthday. Being so close to Christmas it often gets forgotten about, and I understand that with so many holidays celebrated around this time people have more important things that take up their time. But leading up to today, I’m lucky that many people have made me feel special for turning thirty. A birthday dinner with my friends back in November, a surprise birthday get together with some of my dad’s friends a few days ago. I’m a person that doesn’t expect a lot out of life and when I’m shown kindness I tend to get overwhelmed by it. It makes me wonder if my birthday is as much of a burden as I think it is or if it’s a thought I’ve let others put into my head, or just created myself.

Still though, I wanted to write something about turning thirty, either writing something that felt special or was somehow wise but had trouble coming up with how I would do that.

Lachrista Greco of The Guerrilla Feminist recently celebrated her 38th birthday by writing the post “38 Things I Know For Sure.” I thought it was a brilliant way of writing about your birthday and decided to copy the list format to write my own. All credit goes to her for the idea.

So here we go, a list of 30 Things I’ve Learned By 30:

1. I will always be a twin, but I will also always be Sarah.

2. I’m not a worrier, I’m anxious.

3. Bad things will always happen in life. I can’t stop, avoid, or control them.

4. Change is constant and that doesn’t mean it’s bad.

5. Thirty is not too old to have blue hair.

6. Grief has changed me. Grief is forever. I grow around it.

7. It’s okay to always be a little bit sad.

8. It’s okay to have stuffed animals.

9. Tarot cards are a mirror reflecting my inner self back to me. Sometimes I don’t like what I see, which means I need to look at myself harder.

10. I will always be learning new things about myself.

11. I will always be working on myself.

12. Being asked if I am married or if I have children is, apparently, a normal thing to be asked now.

13. I am not behind anyone.

14. Opening my heart is scary.

15. Traveling alone is a beautiful and peaceful thing.

16. I didn’t publish a book by the time I was thirty. I don’t know if that makes me a failure or not.

17. Magic exists in many different forms.

18. It’s hard to cut people out of your life but sometimes it’s necessary.

19. The end is inevitable, and that is both comforting and terrifying.

20. Publishing a book after I’m thirty doesn’t mean I’m not successful.

21. I never thought I’d enjoy working with kids as much as I do.

22. I miss my mom. Present tense.

23. I am imperfect and that doesn’t mean that I’m bad.

24. I am grateful for the space my family gives me to be creative.

25. To love someone will almost always bring hurt when they go away. Love anyways.

26. I love my mom. Present tense.

27. Midnight Mass is my Roman Empire.

28. Sometimes I miss going to church.

29. “I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will,” Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

30. I am a Bo Burnham “30” and my sister is a Tick, Tick, BOOM “30/90”

In my blue period.

What Else I’ve Been Doing:

Reading: Finished End of Story by Kylie Scott, Motherthing by Ainslie Hogarth, Daddy Lessons by Steacy Easton, and The Book of Benjamin by Ben Robinson. Currently reading My Heart is a Chainsaw by Stephen Graham Jones.

Listening To: Indie Christmas

Watching: Season Two of What We Do In the Shadows and One Pace